Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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