I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
