He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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