went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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