We named our party play list daddy issues
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
