Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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