I should be sponsored by Trojan
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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