I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
