I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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