I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
