I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Please don't give away my fajitas
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
