My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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