i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
