U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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