i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
