u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
