The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
