all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
