Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
