He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
