He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
