This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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