OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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