Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
