You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
