I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
