Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
