My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
