Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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