I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
