im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Your penis caused this!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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