My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
