I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
