Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
