mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
