sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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