Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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