im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
