ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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