I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
