Your dad touched me again.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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