I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
