you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
