i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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