I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
