I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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