Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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