my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
