You made me cry and you don't even care
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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