couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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