Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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