I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
