I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
