yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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