If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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