Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
false alarm, still single
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
