shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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