bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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