I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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