I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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