Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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