i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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