dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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