So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
