It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
