I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
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Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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