hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
