His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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