Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This is classic penis vs brain.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
