I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
