so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
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We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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