My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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