I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
