Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
