no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
