Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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