The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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