I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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