The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
