I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
