I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
