The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
