Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
