i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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